Lion attacks
by villain47
Summary: I this short story, an attack from a lion leads to the strangest of circumstances...


This fine tale began a passage from a C.S Lewis book (not sure which one). I typed it out and sent it to a friend who added to it, he then sent it back to me,I added to it and so a chain startred. You can see we tried to start serious, but we got bored and i turned out random and funny. It's not to everyones tastes but hey, its different...ish, maybe immiture but hey its a hoot to everyone else who has seen it.

The children were breathless. They had sacrificed any safety they felt before inside the old wooden shelter when they had agreed to follow the sounds of the lion they thought was prowling outside. now they realised that they had simply been lured into a trap. They were face to face with the lion and the feeling of fear among them all was sending a chill down their spines. How could they escape from this horror?

They sat there silent, the hard, hot breath was becoming clearer. Was the lion aware of their presence? What could they do? "ive got it" whispered peter, he was tired and frightened and lucy could see how pale he had become. There at the back of the shelter was a loose plank of wood, there they could escape, into the night. A stealthy approach seemed the best move, they would have to be silent...

They climed out from the back of their shelter, the lion could still be heard but not seen. Where could it be? "aaagh" screamed lucy as the lion began to pounce...

He just missed Lucy and landed in between Edmund and Peter they ran towards the woods shouting. They jumped into a bush but noticed that both lucy and susan were not there, They peaked out of the bush making sure that they could not be seen. To their horror they saw the lion rounding up the girls however they seemed to be making a good job of staying out of his reach. As they were about to run in to the forest the lion gave out an almighty roar and...

"roaar" the lion caught hold of lucy and began to rip her leg off, she screamed but the others ran on too scared to hang around. Her screams filled the night air as the lion began to decapitate her. Peter and the others ran ahead into the night, susan was screaming "man down, man down" and peter was lying on the ground while edward did a little dance and thought of all the turkish delight he would like to eat...

Peter smacked Edmund round the head and told him to shut up. They ran back to save lucy and made it just in time to kick the lion in the head, he fell to the ground and with some quick first aid and the help of Olwins Autopsy leaflet that had recently been published Peter was able to sow Lucy back together until she was almost as good as new the lion sprung back to life and headed for Peter it roared louder than it had before and...

Peter sprang into action, he had been making a plan for some time now and it seemed now was the time to use it. He remembered the 'super-secret hiding position' he had found in the wood, he also remembered a memory of a time he spent a day sponge-bathing old people but it was unclear why, He got up and dashed to his hiding spot but it was too late the lion sprang up and had him on the floor before he could say "banana fudge." Escape seemed impossible, the lion bearing it's teeth, what could he do? The sound gunshot filled the air...

Lucy who had recently been reassembled noticed that Peter had accidently placed a shot-gun in her forarm and also had managed to insert a machine gun and a jet pack into her back. the bullet which Lucy had fired had skimmed past his head and hit Peter in the shoulder. it hit a nerve which caused him to raise his arm at exactly 72mph which connected with the lions jaw and it feel off. the lion looked shocked, reassembled his jaw to his face and went for lucy again...

Lucy made a combat roll to the left and dodged the lion, unfortunately her roll was badly placed and she happened to roll off a cliff, it was covered in snow and lucy was now gaining speed. She became a giant snowball of death taking out woodland creatures at high speed. Meanwhile the other children were running for their lives, except Edmund who was now doing a jigsaw.

Upahead the running children could see a house and smoke was rising from the chimney, still running peter glanced to his right a sign read...

'The corners of this sign are very sharp do not touch the edges of this sign' also 'the wicked witch of the north north east lives in the cottage ahead do not talk to her because she is a reject and was expelled from hogworts because she was wick at doing magic' however the children were going so fast that they couldn't read the sign and infact Susan touched the edges of the sign and had a near fatal cut, it was almost as bad as a paper cut and if it had of been as bad as a paper cut it is highly likely that she would have died...

If susan had touhed the sign it would have served here right, but she quickly recovered despite loosing several pints of blood and cookies from her pocket. They neared the house "shelter" yelled peter "bog" yelled Susan who was full-to-bursting. The house was small and had a comftorable look, They went up to the door,a small ledger read "post no bills" and "no lepers, hobos or musketeers allowed" aswell as "beware of guard frog" Peter gave 3 hard knocks and waited for an answer...

No answer came so Peter tried to open the door, it was unlocked and he feel through onto the floor, he really did look silly. As susan was about to enter the witch came down from upstairs and told her to clear off and to read the sign 'NO HOBOS' they had a bit of a fight and pulled each others hair out. Of course susan won as she made the witch look like she had just become a recruit in the army. she ran away in shame and the children decided to live there but all of a sudden...

Peter who was on the floor broke into seizure, he was shaking like crazy. "gotta get out of here" said susan and they left to find the nearest hospital, but as in Narnia hospitals had not been invented, Peter died later that night. Lucy was eventualy found in the wood, she was suffering from frostbite in her ear and seemed to have gotten a rare disease that made here look even more like a man than she already did. Edmund was now engrossed in a copy of Encyclopedia Britannica, but he looked up when he head a loud sunnd that broke the tense silence. it sounded like a girafe dying, Edmund knew what this really meant...

It meant that the Narnia Theme park had finally opened and that they had begun to play the wacky and fun shoot the giraffe game. He then heard the sound of Susan being choked and looked around she was being thrown out because she had started a riot and the riot squad had been called in. Even the evil Olwin Brigade codename O zone brigade were on stand by to make sure that Susan would never cause any more trouble with the help of their trusty...

Potato-gun-of doom .00000000000000000000001 calibre rifle, riot division. It is a weapon of ledgendary qualities and is said to have killled 3 flies and 6.7 slugs in its existence. The children stood in silence scared of this mighty weapon, a small puddlle apeared below susan... she had spilled her slush puppy drink and was mourning at its decent. Edmund had a plan...

It was that Susan should but 2 slushpuppies, so that if she dropped one she had one left. Then it came to him, he relised that Peter had also added a carrot cannon when he reassembled Lucy. Lucy fired the carrot at the Commander of the brigade general Hugh Jenas it went up his nose and killed him. the second in command shot at them and...missed his stray bullet fley away and blew up a country ...say... Uganda, and everyone was sad...

Lucy fley up with her jetpack and laid a small girlish foot to facc. it did no damage what so ever and the second in command stabbed her, but in her incarnation she was invincable and bagan to pull off here super-mega-hyper signature move, with onions...

And cheese but enough about the sandwich. the second in command looked at susan in a strange way so she knocked off his head with her hand bag. the army were extremely scared and shoot themselves however because it was a potato gun it didnot work and...

That was bacause thay had no potatoes, only radishes which smelt like grannies and could only kill 2.6 slugs. The battle came to an end when edmund farted and killed everyone except his family. the children walked away. on their walk a relationship built up between edmund and lucy, often physical it was disgusting and called incest...

But it was actually a typo and was actually incense which was not disquisting and actually smelt of cinamon with a hint of dogs. they were over-come by the romantic scent and entered the local brothel, this was full ofexplicit stuff no one wants to know what they were doing. When they left they had wasted all their money and all they had was a bottle of Smirnoff between them, which they often fought for and in one fight Lucy died because...

She was drunk and mentioned Edmunds 2 legged dog, Bertie who he loved very muchand Edmund overcome with anger poked her in the eyes and she aswell went into seizure and died...

Edmund and Susan came together and walked home to explain why Lucy and Peter were dead and why Edmund had taken a physical liking to Susan. THE END...

P.S. they later divorced and none of them wanted the kids so they were sent to laos to live out the rest of their lives as sewage cleaners.

"A great story" says the times "both funny and romantic" says the mirror

"a true tale of star crossed lovers who both die tragicly. obviously used as the base for many of shakespeares plays" says the Independant


End file.
